Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
