Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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