First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
