My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
