her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
