I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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