i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
