I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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