Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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