You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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