You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
