meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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