forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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