I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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