Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
