Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
