Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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