Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it was like having sex with a tree stump
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
FUCK WHALES
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
