do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
should my penis look like a turkey
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
