so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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