mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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