I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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