i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
