The maid of honor just puked.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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