The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
