we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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