I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
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That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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