he puts the penis in happiness.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
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He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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