I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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