You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
