Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
