i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
