theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
