Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
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Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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