I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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