I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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