you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
