My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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