I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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