sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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