now i know why i became what i already was.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
