her vagine was all disorganized.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
