people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
