I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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