I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
