my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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