Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
