And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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