First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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