that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
