i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
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You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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