after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
