nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
