I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
