i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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