I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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