Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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