Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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