You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
