you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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